Today’s Top 5 When you go to a comedy club you expect a funny show with a lot of laughs and a good time. But it could suck too….how do you tell the difference? Top 5 Signs You’re at a Bad Comedy Club 5.) The headliner opens with a topical bit about Dan Quayle. 4.) The headliner is an actual cable guy. 3.) Someone stole Carrot Top’s props…so he’s just standing there awkwardly. 2.) The one guy telling the best jokes is the heckler. 1.) The only way you leave with your sides split is if you get into a knife fight.